Thursday, June 23, 2011

A little story for you...

Once upon a time an overachiever, whose name we shall change to Allebasi Ssik to protect her (still obvious) identity, decided to take 3 college classes over the summer- an 8 am math class and 2 late evening English classes. It all seemed like a good idea at the time of registration. She would get ahead and knock some of the more boring, general and required classes out of the way. Yes, she would have more or less no social life, and no summer fun but... life's not fair anyway. Gotta have priorities, right?

All may seem well in EducationLand, but like all good tales, this story has an antagonist to go alone with the protagonist. This story actually has 3 antagonists. Prof G, Prof C and Prof L (The triplets of educational doom we shall call them. Or the triple torturers, if you'd rather).

Those three fiends decided to schedule all of Allebasi's large term papers and major tests on three consecutive days. Probably because they hate Allebasi with all of their highly academical hearts and souls, but more likely that they just didn't take her personal school, life (and sleep) schedule into account when they planned the assignment/test dates. On top of that Prof C decided to make her analyze a (near, but heighly exaggerated) ream of poetry, which she greatly dislikes unless it is Edgar Allen POEtry, but this is all besides the point. The point that is this: what selfish, evil triplets of education, torture and doom bestowance!!!!! The world of young adulthood is an unsafe, or at least very overloaded on assignments, place while people such as those still roam it.

Anyhow, also upon the time that was once (a time very much like this one) Allebasi wondered why she decided to take these classes and sell her summer-soul to the life sucking goblins of education that are her professors.

One day she showed up to school and they had shut it temporarily due to a teeny tiny mini-fire going on inside. She secretly hoped that the building would burst into flames, thereby preventing her from taking classes ever again. Or at least that math class would be cancelled for the day.  But alas, it was not. Apparently firefighters take sides with the wicked professors/oppressors and they saved the school and Allebasi's morning math class. Oh huzzah.

So then upon returning home to face her Kilimanjaro of homework, poor, whiny Allebasi sat down at her computer and wrote a totally pointless, altogether unacademic blog post to make herself feel better.

The end. if you'll excuse me, Isabella (who really does like school, but also likes dramatized venting), I need to help my dear, summerless friend Allebasi write some papers...


Monday, June 20, 2011

Restyle: Boy Shirt ----> Girl Shirt.

I have a lot of guys clothes.

People who have only known me a couple years are often surprised to find out that I used to dress almost completely in guys clothes. For like...4 years at least. Complicated story, but basically from age 11-15 I dressed more like a junior high school boy, than I did a young lady. It was...a problem. I was a seriously weird kid.  I didn't start wearing girls clothes again until I was around 15, and that was only like jeans and tshirts. I didn't actually dressy in a girly way until 17. I never bought a dress (for myself, by myself, without being forced) until I was 18. I never wore a dress/skirt outside of church or a formal event until...a few months ago.
Now I look, dress (and even act!) like a girl!!!! I wore skirts almost every day last week. Pretty much a 180, people.

But like I said, I still have a lot of guys clothes. I'll still whip out some ginormous cargo skater pants to do yard work in, and I am still a little bit partial to bumming around in guys tshirts and hoodies. I'm sorry, they are just COMFORTABLE. Bloody unattractive, but I don't care.

However, I am working on the whole "girly" thing. Guys clothes are not really conducive to looking like a woman so...
Also, "the boy" happens to think girls should dress like girls and guys should dress like guys. Contrary to my prior belief, I now agree with that whole first part (never disagreed with the second. Don't get me started on that rant).

But that leaves the matter of what is to be done with my teenage boy wardrobe...

I've been noticing that wide necked, baggy shirts are in style. Forever 21 sells like in like every color. I am liking this style, because I'm all about wide, loose and baggy (as long as they aren't see-through or inappropriate in anyway). Also "boyfriend tees" (and jeans) are popular; cut for girls, but made to look like you stole them from a boy. These are styles I can work with...

When going through my clothes I found a gray guy's tee I hadn't warn in years. It was just chillin, all waded up and wrinkled in my drawer. I thought about throwing it away. But instead I made it look...more I can still get away with wearing it!

How I did it: Basically took the shirt, grabbed some scissors and cut a good portion of the collar off, making it wider. Easy as that!

Before: SUPER WRINKLY boy tee, skinny jeans, and converse= .5 on the girlishness scale. 97 and a half on the "looking like a 13 year old boy" scale.

After: skinny jeans, my "Westley" (Princess Bride anyone?) boots, vintage keys on necklaces (I have quite the collection!), black tank and the same tshirt only with collar wider and sleeves rolled.And dangerously red lipstick, just for the effect.
Cuter, right? Other than the wideness of it, it's hard to tell it's a guys shirt, yes?

And yes. It is still just as wrinkly. Were I more classy I would iron it or put it in the dryer or something before doing photoshoots. But...really, what do you want from me!? Who do you think I am, Martha Stewart? Ma Ingalls? Princess Kate?

Now if only there was something cute to be done with my collection of camouflaged, baggy as baggy can be pants...

Yeah no. Not going there. They shall remain banished from the public eye and only come out for yard work. Because I am a girl and I plan on dressing like it. At least the majority of the time.

*ps: 2 words- CAMERA. REMOTE. Expect more narcissist photos. I know you are all sick of the couch, but it was too dark and rainy to go outside with the tripod.

Friday, June 17, 2011


I'm a fan of The Rocket Summer. Quite.

Lately I've head the bridge lyrics to "Light" (off the album Of Men and Angels), so out of lack of other posting material I am going to put them up here.

I am Yours, do what You wish
I am Yours, I am Yours
And I know this
Whatever happens next
Is in Your hands, in Your plans
Nothing less
Every day there is a choice
And through the joy
Through the pain
I will rejoice
I am Yours, do what You wish
I am Yours, I am Yours
And I know this
Good stuff, eh?

Saturday, June 11, 2011

This is my therapy...just call it what it is.

To quote Capt'n Jack Sparrow, "Where's the monkey... I need to shoot something."


(*title quote: RelientK- Therapy)

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Idolatry, Adultery and Me...

*trust me, the title WILL make sense eventually. No one panic yet.*

Oh here there blog that I don't write on anymore because of many reasons. What's up? I haven't posted in a long while, so this post will be a sort of conglomerate of things stirring inside my brain. Things that relate to the above title.

I've been thinking a lot lately.  I've been thinking about my life, my priorities, and my relationship with others as well as with God. It's a complicated situation, I tell you what. Most of this thinking was prompted by something one of my small group leaders say a few weeks ago. She was giving a workshop and said something that really hit hard with me: "YOU WILL NEVER LIVE A GODLY LIFE WITH A CLOSED BIBLE."

Wow. True, but heavy. Particularly heavy at my time of hearing it as my bible had been closed more so than it should have been. My excuse? I've been busy (...worst...excuse...ever... when talking about the God of the universe and the time I spend with him.). Too busy for God apparently. That is a scary place to be in.

After hearing that I began thinking about why I was letting busyness get in the way. What was so important? Simple conclusion: IDOLS.

No, I'm not talking about spending my free time with shiny golden figurines. I'm talking about the things that I was given my attention to instead of God. What you focus on, you worship, I've heard it said.Anything that takes you attention from God is an idol. And I realized I had quite a few of them hoggin' up my focus. Some of them bear resemblance to people in my life. One has green and gold eyes. Sometimes one looks like 52 white keys and 36 black.One is branded with the letters EOS60D. One's name is fourpointoh. One of them is called ME.

Idols can be sneaky little buggers. All the stuff I was letting take my attention away from God were (are) good things. Like school. School is a very good thing and doing well in school is good stuff too. But being so absorbed in school and reading assigned textbooks that I cannot open up my Bible and read that? Well...that is a problem. A stinkin huge problem.

Which brings me to my second point. ADULTERY.

Yes, I confess. I have a problem with that too.

(What whoa? Stick with me people while I explain).

God is my first love. He is supposed to be the center to all of my life. Anything else is supposed to be below him. He loves me desperately and is jealous for my attention. Which, as aforementioned, I am too busy giving to idols. In essence, I am a dirty, rotten adulterer again my God. And I'm a repeat offender. Daily I give other things the attention that should be His. Every day I find some way to tell Him He isn't important enough. At least not important enough to make time for. Over and over again I cheat on Him with stuff which is so much less important than He is-awesome stuff, great people, good grades...but all things that fall short of being the one true God. But still He loves me and is waiting for me to run back into His arms and spend time with Him. That to me is...amazing. Somehow despite my failings, my cheating, my short comings and all my mess my God loves me. Jealously. Always.

Thinking on this topic brings to mind the book of Hosea (in which God has a prophet go and marry a prostitute to prove a point about Israels relationship to their God.), the story of the Prodigal Son, and also a song by Derek Webb (the guy who used to be in Caedmon's Call, if that rings a bell...). It is called Wedding Dress.

Honestly, Webb isn't my favorite and musically the song is not that great, but LYRICALLY it is one of the most powerful songs I know. The lyrics tell of how we chase other things and in doing so, whore against God. Repeatedly. But His jealous love still never fails. The song is a bold, but true, statement. Every time I hear it I get pretty messed up. 


If you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
should that be all i’ll ever need
or is there more i’m looking for

and should i read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what you want

i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i’m a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you

so could you love this bastard child
though i don’t trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild

that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood


because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
when you have knowingly deceived his wife

That chorus has been ringing through my head for weeks. I look at my Bible as I absorb myself in other things and I hear my God say, though I am a adulterous idol worshiper,  "Bella...I miss you."

My new stance of priorities? I am NOT too busy for God. Because out of all the things, places and people in my life, only God can satisfy. Then and only then everything else falls into its place.


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